Archive for Hulk

A New URL for the Realm toys

Posted in Just Blogging with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 9, 2010 by moleman_

the Official the Realm Toys blog is heading to therealmtoys.com domain, existing at a new address. Please update and set your bookmarks to:

http://therealmcast.com/

The blog and the links at the wordpress domain will remain for those who may have blogged about or deep-linked to content here, so don’t worry about links in your blogs suddenly going dead. New updates, however, will no longer appear here. For that, you’ll need to go to the new address at http://therealmcast.com.

All the content that appeared here from April 2009 to January 2010 has been moved to the new URL, including your comments.

WTF? Disney to buy Marvel! IS THIS BIZZARO WORLD?!?

Posted in Comics with tags , , , , , , , on August 31, 2009 by moleman_

by Chris Eaton-

Disney Marvel Logo

Seriously…

Continue reading

THE PANZER CRUSH: Wrong Man for the Job

Posted in Just Blogging, Rants with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 8, 2009 by moleman_

by Chris Eaton

This is one of the joys of writing in the mythical, all imposing world of BLOGDOM.  Tangents!  Such lovely tangents that one can go on!  And that’s were I’m a proud axe wielding, village raping viking.

So I give you my new ongoing “column” if you will, here at The Realm Toys.  I call it THE PANZER CRUSH, and if you see that in the headline, expect ramblings. Ramblings that DARE DEFY THE GODS!

wolverine_origin_xmen_movie_2009_05I figured for my first write up I’d address something that’s gnawed at my oversize head, yet undersized brain.  There has been a lot negative press around X-Men Origins: Wolverine. I’ll freely admit that there were MANY flaws in the film.  Story, character development, and use of CGI in places that seemed inappropriate.  (I.E. Wolive popping his new claws for the first time in the farm bathroom.) All of this comes from a man who, I personally believe had no idea what to do with a big budget action film.  Now Gavin Hood is a fine director, don’t get me wrong.  Tsotsi, the winner of the Academy Award for Best Foreign film in 2006 was a beautiful movie, but it was NO X-MEN.

Which brings me to my point:  Just because a filmmaker is renowned, doesn’t mean he or she can make a big blockbuster FX film.  Simply, they’re the wrong man for the job. (AND NOW THE TITLE MAKES SENSE!)

Let me throw you some case in points of films I feel were poorly constructed. All because they weren’t given to  the proper filmmaker.

HULK (2003)

Hulk_movie

Ang Lee’s HULK film is probably the greatest example of the wrong man for the job.  Ang Lee, fantastic director.  Ice Harvest, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, Sense and Sensibility, that sort of bag. Coming off an Oscar win for Crouching Tiger, it seemed that Marvel and Universal wanted a respectable name with some high cred to direct a movie about a 12 foot, raging green monster man.  It seemed good on paper, as Bryan Singer had done similar with X-Men the year before.  Now, this was post X-Men, but pre Spiderman 2, and we as a world didn’t have that great comic book movie that could be taken seriously and not just a throw away action film.  Ang Lee was to provide the studio with the first real serious comic book movie, a film that critics would hail and audiences would turn out in droves to see.

Good God how wrong they were.  The problem when Hulk finally hit the theaters was that it was more of an extensive character piece that happened to have some SFX in it. It was no were near what it really should of been: Tormented scientist trying to quell the beast within, all the while stopping evil with his alter ego who SMASHES things good.  I give Ang props for trying to make a very serious, straight forward comic book movie, but the HULK isn’t the right character for the job. The movie opened to mixed reviews and one of the biggest second week box office drops seen.  It looked to be a huge set back for not only comic book films, but everyone involved.  Thankfully for everyone, Ang bounced back and made a movie that Matt Stone and Trey Parker hinted to make when they did their Sundance episode of South Park: A gay hippie cowboy movie.  In return, we got a REALLY AWESOME (YES, AWESOME) Incredible Hulk movie made by a man who understands action & brutal over the top fights, and how to properly use Bob Hoskins as a bad guy.

SUPERMAN RETURNS (2006)

supermanreturnsSpeaking of Bryan Singer, oy.  He managed to take the street cred he pulled with the first two X-Men movies and jump to Warner Bros to kick start a new Superman franchise in the vein of Batman Begins.  But, in a shocking twist that only the mind of  M. Night Shyamalan could concoct, Singer made what is possibly THE MOST BORING SUPERMAN MOVIE EVER! (EVEN MORE SO THAN SUPERMAN 3!!)  I got up on a soapbox when the whole Fox vs Singer fight broke out. Fox told Singer to go fuck himself with a bottle of Naty Ice when he said he was going to make Superman before making another X-Men film. I said that Singer doesn’t direct action well and might not be right for this film.  Take a look at X-Men 1, the action is mediocre at best.  X2 got away with better ‘ACTION” scenes, but besides Wolverine going off on Strykers troops, and the Nightcrawler opening, the rest of the “ACTION” was still mediocre.  Masses of half assed Wire Fu that would make Yuen Woo-ping spin in his grave if he was dead, but he’s not. I do feel that he would become violently ill into a trash can if he saw this kind of work that he spent his life turning into an art form displayed in such a horrible way.  There’s just too much triple spinning wire fights, the Wolverine vs Deathstrike being the best example.  Yet the movie still managed to be good.

Now Superman.  There had not been a Superman movie in almost 20 years.  With special effects the way they are now, this movie should of been that kind of epic film that  grabbed you by the NUTS and dared to PULL!  Instead, Singer when above and beyond the self indulgent and managed to make a $200 million dollar movie about Superman moping around because he’s lonely.  People bitched about Sam Raimi making Spider-man Emo in part 3, Singer did that to Superman, ALL THE WAY THROUGH a 2 and a half hour movie.  Not only that, but if there was one set piece that was worth any salt it was the plane sequence.  After that, we got what was basically an 89 minute story stretched like adult superstar Houston after setting a world record, into a 2 and a half hour film. Worst still, unlike Batman Beings, which started off fresh and ignored the 90’s films, Singer decided that this film should follow the story of Superman 1 and 2.  TERRIBLE IDEA.  There is now a WHOLE generation of people that weren’t even a twinkle in their parents eyes before a  night of drunken lust brought them into this world.  Trying to explain why Lois doesn’t remember getting hammered by the man of steel, or why there’s a superboy running around was never properly addressed because you had to have seen the first two movies.  They’re great films, but there was FAR to much time between these films to pull such a stunt.  And it clearly didn’t work.  The film barley managed to make its money back, and the only people that really loved this film were fans of the original films or Singer apologists.  Its a shame too, because we also got a rushed X-men film out of this, WHICH ENDED UP BEING FAR MORE FUN THAN THIS WRECK!

GHOST RIDER (2007)

ghost_rider_ver6Much like Bryan Singer, this was an instance that I think a studio head went, “Hey, we got a comic book movie, why not have some one that already made one of these things make it.”  In theory it sounds like it would work, but much like communism, which works in theory, this doesn’t necessarily work.  Mark Steven Johnson had made Daredevil before this.  A movie that gets kicked in the ass more than it deserves. If one watches the director’s cut of the film, you’ll see what Johnson wanted the film to be.  He did make a great Daredevil film, but that’s because he was a Daredevil fan.  Ghost Rider, he was not.  In interviews given during the almost 2 years of post production, it was as if Johnson was sending eye signals that he’s not into the character and really doesn’t have much knowledge about him except he teamed up with DD and Spider-Man a few times.  This equated into not a bad, but sloppy, mildly entertaining Ghost Rider movie.  And once again, the Internet community spat on Johnson like some village drunk begging for money in the rain.  He at least admitted that he wasn’t into the film after it came out and did so-so at the B.O.  The only person who really rallied the film was Nic Cage, who is trying to get a second one off the ground, but I have a feeling that Johnson will steer clear this time.

PLANET OF THE APES (2001)

Planet_of_the_apes_2001Tim Burton.  The name strike a certain image in ones head when spoken.  We see a goth-ed out Johnny Depp dressed like a woman with scissor hands masturbating with Danny Elfman over stop-motion fire in a room covered with lots of off centred furniture and decorated with spinney lines and cobwebs.  Oh, and its REALLY dark in there too.  Its not the name one would jump to to remake Planet of the Ape, a film that is pure ICON moulded into Mt Rushmore.  Much like Superman, this movie was a HORRIBLE mess from what is otherwise a fine director.

Burton showed that he needs to stick to his own original work, or adapt something that fits his style of film making.  Ed Wood, Mars Attacks, Sleepy Hollow, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory these are all films that suit Burton. Not stuff like Planet of the Apes. We didn’t need to see Marky Mark talk wise with Paul Giamatti in an ape outfit. Or Burton getting some sort of jollies off by his girl friend dressed like a man ape.  Not to mention an ending that makes even the most mentally challenged Asian child scream “WHAT THE FUCK?”  Personally, watching this film was hands down the worst theater going experience I’ve ever had to endure.  Top off with a horrible remake to a film I love, and I was about to shiv the first person that I saw walking out.

Thus ends this rant for this day.  I hope to have enlightened you a bit. If not, I hope that you’re nose bleed just a little from the minor aneurysm that this would give you.